Tuesday, May 23, 2006

SPC-Introduction #4

I need consistency and discipline. I have never been structured or a planner. I am spontaneous to the core. I plan mostly when I am moving into the next realm of my existence. I am finding my way to a new more "true'" to myself "me".

more SPC's here

Monday, May 22, 2006

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday my little Gemini! I can’t believe it! How it only seems like yesterday that I was at the hospital waiting on your arrival. I am so overjoyed that you are a part of my life. I love every second of watching you change and grow. It is something extraordinary as the days pass and you come to me with new words or phrases that you were not even saying an hour before. I notice how careful I must be now with what I say, for fear you will repeat it in a context that might be inappropriate. Though somehow I think in the end it would only come across as humorous. You are discovering so many new things, attempting so many new tasks and working so hard to become your individual little self. That’s why I love the "terrible-two's" stage, because it allows me to see you assert your own sense of independence. And not to worry, you can push your limits as far as you would like to try and I will make it my mission to give you the freedom and balance you need to grow and claim yourself. But I will also be there to guide you and make sure that you are safe.

How I love to watch you do your three favorite things; dancing, coloring and singing songs. I cherish the moments you take me by the hand to join in the activities you pursue. I also love to snuggle up with you to read you a book when ever you ask, but especially each night before I tuck you in. Or hang outside on a sunny afternoon and play in the dirt.

Please know that you are so important to me and that you have such a special place in my heart. I look forward to many more years ahead with all its challenges, tears, laughter and fun.

Again, Happy Birthday My Dear Caitlin, I love you so much.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Sunday Scribblings #8 - Three Wishes

Wow! At first I though this would be a breeze for me.
I'm a dreamer who wishes all the time.
I know, I will put all my wishes in a large black magician's hat and pick them out randomly.

Wish One: My most important wish would be that my daughter grows up to be a happy, complete, and self assured woman who is living her life's dreams and desires to their fullest; in a world that she can feel safe in.

Wish Two: Would have to be that I could resume my travels of the world to learn new things, experience new cultures, languages, eat wonderful foods, drink wine, and make new friends. It has been so many years since I have travelled I feel as if I am stuck in a time warp.

Wish Three: I would love to continue to rediscover new sides of myself with each passing day and grow from each new discovery. These past three years of my life and the things I have had to endure have taught me that we can always learn more about who we are. That there is never a reason to stop growing, changing, or become a stronger, more loving and compassionate indivdual towards ourselves and others.

(A post for Sunday Scribblings #8)

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

SPC- Introducing Me

  • I always find talking about myself difficult.
  • I am recently seperated single mom to a daughter who will be 2 on the 22nd of this month.
  • I love to read anything and everything I can get my hands on.
  • I am very laid back
  • I love to listen to music 24/7
  • I am combination introvert/extrovert (depends entirely who I am with)
  • I am originally from Washington, D.C. , I lived overseas in Germany for a large part of my life, then I became a transplant in Atlanta, GA
  • I write short stories and fiction. Would love to be stronger in writing non-fiction, so I am working towards that now.
  • I am obsessed with the Internet. And now reading blogs. I need to update my own blog more often
  • I love to laugh
  • I can cook some really outstanding dishes and love to experiment in the kitchen with various cusines.
  • I can be really lazy at times
  • I have a new found passion for gardening
  • I have a dog that is mixed with part basset hound and part jack russell.
  • I am a wanna-be artist.
  • I am trying to teach myself how to sew, knit and crochet. Not sure if I'm cut out for it, but I'll figure it out somehow.
  • I am a Gemini
  • I am not photogenic and tend to shy away from the camera
  • I don't like people who are not open-minded or who are fake
  • One day I hope to move out west.

More Self Portrait Challenges here.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Sunday Scribblings - My Shoes #6

I was cleaning out the garage and I came across my navy blue and orange colored Puma’s. These were the only shoes I could wear when I was pregnant and they were so comfortable I was almost willing to sleep in them. They have been stored in the garage for almost the last two years. They are spotted in paint from the painting of the house when we first moved in. The mud from working in the yard is also still stuck on them. They were covered in dust and cobwebs. I vaguely remember the day I took them off by the back door leading to the kitchen and never looked back. Part of me wishes that after each event I had taken the time to stick them in the washer to make them like new again. But then they wouldn't carry the memories or character that they have.
So, I think I will let them just go to sneaker heaven the way they are.

I’ve been eyeing a pair of pink and green Puma's I really want. So I will buy them and start a new shoe adventure.

See more Sunday Scribbling's here.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Poetry Thursday

I am a huge Charles Bukowski fan.
He was known as not being very nice (which he often said about himself) and brutally honest.
I like him because he was OUT LOUD and REAL in his writings.
I was introduced to him by my best friend and artist
Alisoun when we were in middle school.
I know we were a we bit young to be reading a vulgar drunk but there was something about his ability to speak the raw truth in his writings that I connected to at the time. I had a profound interest in poetry after that and I could not get enough. My connection to poetry and writing in general began when I was young and I spent endless minutes writing stories. I continued that path by pursuing and obtaining a B.A. in English with a concentration in Creative Writing. Unfortunately, I stopped writing at some point for some reason I am still trying to justify, though I know there is no real excuse for giving up your dreams.
I found this poem hidden amongst stacks of poetry and writings I had saved since college. We were given an assignment to bring to class a poem that would motivate us to want to write. Half the class walked in with this poem. As it was read by one of the people I the class I wondered to myself how many had picked it because of its title or because they had actually read it and were inspired by it. As the last word was read everyone looked around the room as if to see who “felt it”. Well, I “felt it”. I “felt it” because it had always been one of my favorites by Charles and I use to keep it taped inside every composition notebook I ever wrote in to remind me of the love I had for writing. So, I share with you a poem that you can reflect on, be inspired by, or simple find your truth when it comes to your true passion for the written word.

so you want to be a writer

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
don't do it.
if your doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
If your trying to write like somebody
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
your not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen, it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

~Charles Bukowski