Friday, September 01, 2006

Sitting on the Sidelines

I have been away from blogging for so long now. A combination of being busy, unmotivated to post and completely intimidated by what I have been reading on other blogs. It made me question whether blogging really is for me.

I read a lot of blogs and various types, but there are a few blogs that I have to read daily because I find these women so inspiring as well as talented artists. (Jen Gray, Chronicles of Me, Wish Jar Journal, Superhero Journal, Ramblings of an Ever Hungry Mind, Ink on My Fingers, La Vie en Rose , Be Present Be Here, and Moonlighting Artist) The way in which these women write about themselves and their lives. How they put themselves out there and open themselves up is to be commended.

When I sit down to right a post I am constantly deleting my thoughts. Always watching my words, how I say them or what I say. Fearing that someone I know well might stumble across my blog and get upset that I wrote about them or will be shocked at my openness. I also worry that my family will be hurt, if I write the harsh and honest truth, of how they effect my life.

I struggle with opening up on paper and sending it out in the world for all to see. The craziest thing about that to me is, that I have always been the type of person who never really cared what others thought of me. My motto has always been “either you like me for who I am or you don’t. My loss or yours?”

This morning the first blog I read was A Bird in Hand (Lisa Congdon: which I also read daily). It was about being your own person and how it resonated with me. I am a strong believer in being one's own person, though I have only been half my own person throughout my life. I have to admit, I have put half of who I truly am on hold, becasue I grew up not being supported in who I was or was not understood for who I was by my parents.

Now I am working to be my own person in full and not let others determine what I am or what I become. This is a journey that I am greatful to be making and looking forward to see the outcome. When I do this, then "I will be free".

I am beginning to realize through reading the words of these other women that I don’t need to fear. I need to just put it out there and what comes, comes. I do not have control over it after it ends up in Webland. But I do have control over whether I choose to blog and to see where it takes me.

Into September we fall. Happy Friday and have a great weekend everyone.


Blogger Tammy said...

This is your journal and if it sets you free lay it out there. These blogs you read are full of supportive readers. In September you rise!

8:35 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

i love this idea of you being "free" here in this place, this corner of the world that belongs to you.
sending you courage and joy on your journey.

1:34 AM  
Blogger Earth Monkey said...

wow. so much of what you said is a lot of the way i feel.

unfortunately i dont have enough time to keep up on so many blogs. including my own. i wonder why i do it. i want it to catapult me somewhere. still waiting.

thanks for sharing your raw thoughts.... especially "...have put half of who I truly am on hold becasue I grew up not being supported in who I was or was not understood as who I was by my parents"

all i can say is DITTO!

7:26 PM  

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